AsIsitherewritingthisreflectionessay,I’mawarethatitistheseconddayafterSpringFestivalandt
As I sit here writing this reflectionessay, I’m aware that it is the second day after Spring Festival and the Yearof the Rat. Spring festival is acelebration of the end of a season as we transition from winter intospring. It is also the end of the year andthis year being the Year of the Rat, signifies the beginning of another twelve-yearcycle of the Chinese Zodiac. So it is atime of transitions. The irony is ofcourse that we are rather immobile during the transience of this holiday seasonbecause of the coronavirus. Howtroublesome and inconvenient.
我正坐在這兒著手寫這篇值得深思的論文，我意識到這是鼠年春節的第二天。春節是一個慶祝由冬天過渡到春天的節日。這也是中國農歷中上一個十二生肖周期的結束，和新的十二生肖中農歷子鼠年的伊始。
所以這是一個過渡時期。但與之相反的是在這個假期里由于冠狀病毒，人們正在經歷短暫的隔離期。可以想象這是多麼的令人煩惱和不便。
On the other hand, is there ever aconvenient time for suffering and sickness to befall us? It is times like this that we realize that weare not in control of things as much as we like. We’d like to think that we’re in control butwe’re not. Certainly we need a modicumof control to live our lives but I’m reminiscent of a popular saying in Englishthat reminds us that Men Plan, God Laughs. I have plans to visit my loved>
中國有句俗語告訴我們，危機中蘊藏著危險和機遇。冠狀病毒給人們帶來了不便，也帶來了很多焦慮和不確定性。它喚醒了我們的存在。羅洛·梅是一位美國存在主義心理學家(歐文·亞龍的老師、同事和治療師)，在他的著作《焦慮的意義》中提醒我們:
“ 焦慮不是一種情感，不是如愉悅或悲傷之類的情感。它是人類的一種根植于存在之中的本體特征… 它不是一種我們可以接受或離開的外部威脅；也不是一種可以被歸類的反應；它始終對我們存在的根基和中心構成威脅。焦慮是對即將來臨的‘不存在’而產生的威脅體驗。”
類似地，英國存在主義心理學家埃內斯托·斯皮內利寫道:
Existential-phenomenological theory presents us with a viewof human existence that places anxiety as its center. It suggests that our experience of living isnever certain, never predictable, never secure. Instead, our very embracing of life presents us with all manner of ‘challenges’: challenges to the meanings we have built upand live by, challenges to the aims and purposes with which we imbue our lives,challenges, indeed, to the very continuation of our existence. [2] Our response to any or all of thesechallenges can range from the attempt to create a protected environment thatwill repel any perceived threats to our sense of physical or psychologicalsecurity, to the undertaking to foster a chaotic lifestyle which,paradoxically, fixes its meaning and purposes upon the unwavering belief that ‘allis meaningless’. Whatever the response,however, what is significant is that the response itself expresses thestance we take toward our relations with the world. It is, in a sense, our unique ‘language’ throughwhich we engage in dialogue both with ourselves and others.
存在主義現象理論為我們提供了一個以焦慮為中心的人類存在的視角。它表明，我們的生活經歷從來都是不確定的，不可預測的，不安全的。相反，我們擁抱著的生命給我們提出各種各樣的“挑戰”：
挑戰我們已經建立和賴以生存的生命意義，挑戰我們一直以來被灌輸的關于生活的目標和目的。
挑戰，事實上是我們存在的延續。我們對任何或所有這些挑戰的反應范圍，從試圖創建一個受保護的環境，以擊退任何可感知的對我們身心安全感的威脅，到致力于養成一種混亂的生活方式，這反而將其意義和目的建立在“一切都是無意義的”這一堅定不移的信念之上。
然而，無論作出何種反應，重要的是反應本身表達了我們對與世界關系的立場。從某種意義上講，這是我們獨特的“語言”，通過它，我們既與自己對話，也與他人對話。
In the existential framework, anxietyis so riveted to existence that it has a different connotation from the wayanxiety is regarded in other frames of reference. The existential therapisthopes to alleviate crippling levels of anxiety but not to eliminate it. Lifecannot be lived (nor can death be faced) without anxiety.
在存在主義框架中，焦慮與存在如此緊密地聯系在一起，以至于它的內涵與在其他參照系中看待焦慮的方式不同。存在主義治療師希望減輕嚴重的焦慮，但不是消除它。沒有焦慮，生命就無法存在（死亡也無法面對）。
The therapist’s task, as Rollo Mayteaches us is to reduce anxiety to tolerable levels and then to use the anxietyconstructively. May wrote that: “Whatanxiety means is it’s as though the world is knocking at your door, andyou need to create. You need to make something. You need to do something. And Ithink anxiety, thus, is for people who have found their own heart andtheir own souls. For them it is a stimulus toward creativity, towardcourage. It’s what makes us human beings.” One of the ways that anxiety is knocking on my door and thus beseechingme for a response is the writing of this essay. It is part of my stance and response to my own existential anxiety thatis awakened by the coronavirus. Takingmy cue from May, writing this essay reminds me that anxiety can be bothcrippling and empowering. Thatcreativity not medication is the response to anxiety as it comes knocking on mydoor.
正如羅洛·梅教給我們的，治療師的任務是將焦慮降低到可承受的水平，然后建設性地利用這種焦慮。梅寫道:焦慮意味著，就好像世界在敲你的門，你需要創造。你需要制作些東西。你需要去做些事情。
因此，我認為焦慮是為那些找到了自己的心和靈魂的人準備的。對他們來說，焦慮是對創造力和勇氣的一種刺激。焦慮使得我們人類之所以成為人類。焦慮敲著我的門，懇求我做出回應的方式之一就是讓我來寫這篇文章。這是我的立場的一部分，也是我對自身存在的焦慮的回應，這種焦慮被冠狀病毒喚醒了。
我從梅那里得到了啟示，寫下這篇文章提醒我，焦慮雖會讓人崩潰，但也會讓人充滿力量。當焦慮來敲門時，對其的反應應該是用我的創造力而不是使用藥物。
Indeed this Spring Festival is quitedifferent from Spring Festivals of the past. It is not quite as festive as before. There is a somberness to the whole experience. I believe a large part of this is due to theanxiety of the times. The sombernessbrings about some dysphoria and heightens my sense of loneliness andisolation. Normally I relish the senseof solitude and tranquility that Beijing gifts to me during the Spring FestivalHolidays. I enjoy the uncongestedemptiness of the city as it affords me time to reflect and work on a fewwriting projects. But along with thisappreciation, I’m awakened to the co-existing isolation that is part of theemptiness. I know that I’m not alone inthis because this year, I see more lights on in residences that were emptybefore. I realize that I’m not the onlymigrant worker who is far from home. Furthermore, I cannot imagine what the people of Wuhan and other citiesmust be experiencing for they are quarantined and separated from their lovedones and face the prospect of a very uncertain near future. This brings to home for me that isolation isindeed an unavoidable part of existence. Yet ironically at the same time, knowing that I’m not alone inexperiencing my isolation brings a degree of comfort. So while I feel a strong sense ofhelplessness towards those who are quarantined, I want them to know that theyare not alone in their isolation.
的確，這個春節和以往大不同，沒有了以前節慶的歡鬧氛圍，給人感覺很陰郁。相信這很大部分是因為現在的時局造成的。這種陰郁的氛圍讓人焦燥不安，同時也加深了我的孤獨感和隔離感。往年，我喜歡北京春節期間帶給我的孤獨和寧靜，它讓我有自由時間來完成一些寫作項目。
然而，伴隨著這種對孤獨的欣賞，我被喚醒到共存的孤立中，那是空虛的一部分。今年，我知道我并不孤單，因為我看到住宅樓里以往新年期間黑漆漆的屋子里有了很多燈光。我意識到我不是唯一一個離家在外的工作者。
因此，我聯想到了武漢人及其他城市的人們正在經受的一切，他們被迫隔離，與他們深愛的家人分開而且不知道近期和未來局勢如何發展。
這讓我又意識到了孤獨是生存中不可缺少的一部分。然而，讓人啞然失笑的是，很多人和我一樣在這種隔離的孤獨中體會到了一些舒適。所以，我們要告知那些被隔離的人這種微妙的舒適感，而非強化他們強烈的無助感。
Taoists, existential philosophers andpsychologists teach me that life and death are not sequential but simultaneousand interdependent. It is not so muchthat death follows life and that Spring follows Winter. Instead, the seeds of life are buried in thebarren trees of my nearby park and the leaves that drop from their brancheswill fertilize the foliage that will arrive in the Spring. This reminds me of the quote by the Frenchexistential philosopher Albert Camus that “in the depth of winter, I foundwithin myself an invincible summer.” Peopleand life are resilient. One of the mainquestions that is being researched right now is how virulent and resilient isthe coronavirus. In the midst of thisinvestigation, let us not forget that people can be exceptionally resilient aswell. Having a sustaining meaning tolive for, the vast majority of people are able to endure great suffering andwill bounce back from trauma. Comparisons are made between the SARS crisis in 2003 and even the 2008 earthquakein Sichuan. I recall images of rows uponrows of temporary housing set up for the displaced survivors near the center ofthe earthquake. Most of them have nowreconstituted their lives though I’m sure the scars from the earthquake remain. I lived and worked in Southern China duringthe SARS crisis and recall the contrast between the people in Hong Kong whowere nearly all masked with the people near Guangzhou who were not. Now as I walk around Beijing, the majority ofthe people are wearing masks. We’velearned and now relate to death anxiety differently. The SARS epidemic tested and strengthened ourresilience. I had in friend in Hong Kongwho flew for Cathay Pacific which nearly went bankrupt as the result of theSARS epidemic. Out of necessity, theairlines give him a choice of leaving the airlines or remain for a significantreduction in salary. Lean timesindeed. It was a painful time for myfriend to ponder how great was his love of flying or perhaps it was a time tomove on to a different career. Hedecided to remain with the airlines. Inthe midst of the crisis, he found within himself an invincible summer for neverdid he believe he would be so severely tested or how little he could actuallylive on.
道家、存在主義哲學家和心理學家教導我生與死不是順序的，而是同時的、相互依存的。與其說死亡緊跟著生命，不如說春天緊跟著冬天。相反，生命的種子被埋在我附近公園的光禿禿的樹上，從樹枝上掉落的葉子會給春天到來的樹葉施肥。
這讓我想起了法國存在主義哲學家阿爾貝·加繆(AlbertCamus)的一句話:“在隆冬時節，我發現自己內心有一個不可戰勝的夏天。”“人和生活都是有韌性的。”
目前研究的主要問題之一是冠狀病毒的毒性和適應性。在調查的過程中，讓我們不要忘記，人也可以具有非凡的適應力。大多數人都有一個持續的生活意義，他們能夠忍受巨大的痛苦，并從創傷中恢復過來。
人們將2003年的非典危機與2008年的四川地震相提并論。
我回想起在地震中心附近為流離失所的幸存者搭建的一排排臨時房屋的畫面。他們中的大多數現在已經重建了他們的生活，盡管我相信地震留下的傷疤還在。
在非典危機期間，我在中國南方生活和工作，回想起香港人幾乎都戴著口罩與廣州附近的人不戴口罩的對比。現在，當我在北京四處走動時，大多數人都戴著口罩。我們已經學過了，現在對死亡焦慮有了不同的理解。非典疫情檢驗了我們的應變能力。
我在香港有一個朋友，他是國泰的空乘人員，由于非典疫情，國泰航空公司差點破產。出于必要，航空公司給了他一個選擇，要麼離開航空公司，要麼留下大幅減薪。的確是不景氣。
對我的朋友來說，那是一段痛苦的時光，他開始思考自己對飛行的熱愛有多深，或許是時候換一份不同的職業了。他決定留在航空公司。在這場危機中，他發現自己內心有一個不可戰勝的夏天，因為他從未相信自己會受到如此嚴峻的考驗，也從未相信自己可以靠如此少的資源生活。
The SARS epidemic left its marks uponme as well. I was travelling betweenTaiwan and Southern China at that time for work. Consequently, I carried on a long-distancerelationship with my girlfriend who remained in Taiwan. As the SARS epidemic intensified, we wereforced to be separated due to fact that I would have been quarantined for aperiod of time were I to return to Taiwan. This extensive period of separation put an end to our relationship. It’s tempting to blame SARS for our breakupbut it is more accurate to say that our relationship was not resilient enoughto survive SARS. The breakup of therelationship took place during the forced separation. She told me via the phone that she had foundsomeone else. I remember taking numerouslong walks as I worked through the pain and grief of the end of thatrelationship. Yet I too survived thebreakup and the SARS epidemic. We areall much more resilient than we think and looking back, I now know that thereis a grander plan in place.
非典也在我身上留下了印記。當時我在臺灣和華南地區奔波出差，因此，不得不和留在臺灣的女朋友開始了異地戀。可是隨著非典疫情的加劇，我們無法重聚，因為如果我回到臺灣，我將被隔離一段時間。這段長期的分離讓我們的戀愛關系走到了盡頭。
表面上，將我們的分手歸咎于“非典”似乎再合適不過了，但更準確的說法是，我們的關系沒有足夠的“免疫力”來挺過“非典”。這段關系是在被迫分居期間破裂的，她打電話告訴我說她已經找到了新的對象。
我還記得那次分手帶給我的傷痛讓我久久無法釋懷，我經常出門散步，一走就是好半天。然而，最終我不僅挺過了分手還挺過了非典疫情。我們都比自己想象的更有韌性。現在回想起來，我深感這里一定有一個更宏偉的計劃正在醞釀中。
I’m learning more about surrenderingto the mystery that is beyond me. Let ustake this day by day and cherish what we have. I cannot imagine what it is like to have lost a loved one to thecoronavirus. Yet I’m reminded that on adaily basis, we’ve all lost loved ones to disease and old age. It is not only the coronavirus that leaves usquarantined, inconvenienced and unable to travel. A severe cold will do the same, not tomention cancer. I write this not tobelittle the seriousness of the current crisis. That would be foolish. Insteadwhat I wish to share is how the current crisis has at time awakened me fromwhat the German existential philosopher Martin Heidegger termed my everydaymode of existence to a more ontological mode of existence. One in which I “marvels not about the waythings are but that they are.” A mode of existence where I am “authentic,responsible for choice, aware and transcendent. Embracing my possibilities and limits; facingabsolute freedom and nothingness – and is anxious in the face of them.”
我正在學習向我無法想象的神秘力量臣服。讓我們日復一日地珍惜我們所擁有的，我無法想象在冠狀病毒感染下失去親人的感覺。但現在我每天都被提醒著，我們都會因疾病和年老而失去親人。不僅是冠狀病毒讓我們被隔離、不便和無法旅行，重感冒也一樣，更不用說癌癥了。我寫這篇文章不是為了貶低當前危機的嚴重性，那太愚蠢了。
相反，我想分享的是當前的危機是如何使我從德國存在主義哲學家馬丁·海德格爾所說的我日常生活方式的存在到更具本體論的存在方式，一個讓我“驚奇的不是事物存在的方式，而是它們的存在本身”。一種我是“真實的、對選擇負責任的、有意識的、卓越的的存在方式，擁抱我的可能性和極限；面對絕對的自由和虛無——面對他們是感到焦慮的。”
Finally, a colleague and friendrecently shared this poem with me which nearly moved me to tears. I’d like to share this poem with you as a wayto bring an end this this essay. It istitled For All of Us: For Those Who HaveFar to Travel by Jan Richardson. It isbeautiful and most likely the poet’s own response to the existential anxietyknocking on his door.
最后，一位同事兼朋友近期給我分享了這首詩，讓我潸然淚下。在此，將這首詩和大家分享，以此作為這篇論文的結尾。詩名《給大家：致遠行者》，作者賈恩·理查森。詩詞優美，也很可能是當“存在主義焦慮”敲他的門時，詩人自己所做出的反應。
作者：楊吉膺（Mark Yang）。美國注冊臨床心理學家，國際存在-人本心理學院院長，美國塞布魯克大學心理學教授，專業領域包括：個體及團體咨詢、哀傷及喪親輔導、臨床工作有法律及倫理道德議題、跨文化心理學等。
翻譯組：楊眉/何睿璇/陳瓊/李俊杰/黃準/周莉娜/劉珍/吳于勤/李丹燕/劉豌/劉妮（排名不分先后）
